In defense of Goblin Mode

Sometimes when I’m alone, I find myself walking around like a goblin, making weird sounds, mumbling to myself about the things I want to do, and wondering why I’m not doing them. It stops when I catch my reflection and realize I’m still a human being.

We’ve established so far that I’m just a girl, and with that comes the insane (fabricated) insecurity of being alive.

I’ve recently been bombarded by optimistic content, which, surprise, has massively improved my mood, because, god damn, I’ve been bored out of my mind whenever I’m not moving or doing something.

But apparently, being a chaotic goblin appears to be the antidote to this dopamine addicted brain of mine.

I’ve always been kind of scattered, you see, not all in, not all out in my ideas.

Decembers in particular are a hard time for me, like an old enemy that really wants to beat me down, and I’m not 100% sure why yet (I’m taking vitamin D, but no dice), but I truly become a little grinch in this season. I swear, people are crazy during holidays and they severely need to chill.

The End-of-Beginning Season

Ah, December. Feels like the end of a beginning, as Djo cleverly sings.

It’s bittersweet, it’s possibility. All the things you did, clashing with all the things you didn’t.

It’s me falling sick (hey covid, thanks for waiting to after an incredible busy and high-achieving November to hit, buddy), and my energy crumbling down, and getting the pieces back together after.

And hey, I think about ways to improve systems and processes on all areas of my life, personal, work, community.

I journal (hardly; I do a bit of cramped gratitude prompts on my notebook). I ask for help and I talk to people (maybe), and I practice vulnerability and I go to therapy.

I do hard work, I procrastinate. I think all my achievements are overrated and not that special.

Oh… oh no. That’s it, isn’t it?

Little scroll-addicted brain has been seeing too much influencer content and vapid linkedin posts and now thinks whatever it does is not that big of a deal.

Stopped creating and consumed a little too hard, hey darling?

Everyone sharing their 2025 Wrapped and I’m over here thinking what I do anyone could do (which they could! It’s not a competition, not really).

The Achievements List (Yes, It Exists)

Ahem, excuse you, I got my driver’s license this year.

I’ve hosted a lot of events this year. I spoke on stages, one of them a TedX.

Won a honorable mention. Got nominated for two awards. My team was at web summit with our own stand.

I got my parents a second-hand sofa from a friend that wanted to change her office. Actually, I moved my parents to live nearby.

Went through serious grief, the one that still hits randomly when you mention a person and realize you’ll never be able to speak to again.

Didn’t lose my cool in public when unexpected things happened, but did open up a little with my trusted circle.

I didn’t travel abroad at all but I did a lot of miles.

Read one book. I listened to like 1800 different artists in 300 different genres.

I did all of it managing a full-time job and trying to be a good friend.

Could a girl on goblin mode do that?

Maybe it’s the only way.

Photo by Geoffrey Moffett on Unsplash

Anxiety’s Greatest Hits (Incomplete List)

Anyway, I choose my times carefully and obsess over them, and December is perfect to brew a storm. Is my independence possible with anxiety, or are you Anxiety’s little helper?

Here’s a random list I did the other day (goblins LOVE lists and don’t let those organization freaks tell you otherwise), because I was sick and stuck at home, of things that really trigger my anxiety (this is not a complete list). If you get triggered by one of these, I’m sorry:

Instagram lives. Having to find a cool corner of your home when the construction work upstairs is drilling your brain.

Not managing to have an organized house because everything is overwhelming, and your brain freezes when it’s time to declutter and you pulled the wardrobe apart and now you have to put it back together.

Changing your mind every 10 minutes. Barely starting dozens of ideas and never finishing any of them.

People screaming. You do not need to speak loudly to reaffirm yourself as a person. Believe me, I’ve been there, and I know I can speak very loud if I need to.

Clothes. I hate choosing what to wear.

Makeup. I don’t know how to do that properly. Lately, I found out I don’t really care, and I just do it when I feel like it.

Games that are actually hard to play. Story-mode all the way, I’m playing games for chill and rest, not for brain exercises.

Staying still. Props to mindfulness.

Goblin Mode: A Defense

So far we’ve complained, did a little pat in the back, reminded ourselves that functional anxiety is not to be threaded lightly. But what was the point of this draft? Right, defending goblin mode.

Dictionary.com defines it as:

a slang term for a way of behaving that intentionally and shamelessly gives in to and indulges in base habits and activities without regard for adhering to social norms or expectations.

That doesn’t sound so bad. We’re currently in a world where so much of what we consume is hyper-curated, polished, basic and boring (thanks AI), and our brain yearns for crafts, for messy, for real people.

Being unscripted can be a good thing.

It terrifies me and excites me at the same time, because lack of preparation is the enemy of my anxiety, yet I do so much with minimal to non-existent prep. Maybe it’s my super power.

Why worry so much about things outside of your control, so much so, that it could influence the ones you can control?

What if you just shake lose all worries and create things instead, damned the consequences (consequences being, probably, mortal embarrassment. Pffff)?

Strategies from a Certified Goblin

Whenever I’m struggling with a more erratic mood, I noticed that I have three main goblin traits. Apparently, they’re not that goblin, because we see them in ALL the productivity hacks the YouTube gurus are talking about. And here I was labeling them as…

things that keep me sane when the world seems a bit grim

Walking to the office with no music or podcasts (mostly because I’m scared of walking around with earphones). Brain finally shuts up in the right way. With no input, my thoughts wander, connect things I didn’t know were connected, replay conversations, solving problems in the background. Let your brain be bored enough to do its own housekeeping. By the time I arrive, I’m calmer, and somehow I’ve already planned half my day.

Being lazy and watching comfort series. Rewatching something I already know, it’s like nervous system gets a warm blanket. There’s no suspense, no decisions, no effort. Step away from the noise, and when I come back, I can actually focus on something new.

Dreaming & making lists. Let my mind wander into imaginary futures, half-formed ideas and unrealistic plans is usually where the energy comes back. Putting things on paper gives me the opportunity to rearrange, ignore, or return to later. Shape all those chaotic moments and don’t demand myself to act on any of them.

See? Having a goblin strategy can actually be productive. Maybe I was overthinking this bad mood I was in.

So goblin girl, chill, eat a treat and enjoy the last days of December. You’ve earned it.