Learning how to drive at 30

I was eighteen, living in Lisbon. A driver’s license cost like 250 euros. I didn’t have 250 euros, and driving in Lisbon seemed like a stupid concept to me. I saw the way people behaved in traffic, chaining their everyday frustrations and attacking the nearest stranger with a show of lights, a beep, or a middle finger. Fast forward a couple of years, I’m living in a much smaller place. I walk everywhere, rarely use public transports (because I can walk, and because they suck), and depend on carpooling to go out of town. My friends keep telling me I need to take my driver’s license, because what if I want to live outside of the city center, what if there’s an emergency, what if you just want to go places.

Of course they’re half right, and I’m half right too for not having taken it so far, but I’m scared shitless of learning how to drive by now, because the older you get the less stupid you’re willing to be.

I used to be obsessed with the Fast & Furious franchise (don’t you dare speak badly about Tokyo Drift in my presence), the edge between the speed and the loyalty of people speaking to me as much as a Philip Pullman book about being a rebel kid and fighting the church. Ironic to be a lover of fast cars, and not having the guts to go 50 km/h on the street.

I hated pink when I was young (cringe) but once I saw 2 Fast 2 Furious I wanted to be HER

There’s a point when I finally decide it’s time to put my gears to the track and do it anyway. Now I get to pay a thousand euros more than it would’ve cost in Lisbon, but hey! I can actually barely afford it now. I get my driving license after a year of ping-pong through theorical and practical classes, anxiety gnawing at my insides each time I enter the car, but the journey becoming easier step by step.

Problem solved, except I don’t really have a car. The “you gotta learn how to drive” friends forgot to tell me owning a car is a major time and money suck, and I’m not having it. I have priorities in my life, like paying rent, seeing the world, eating well. I don’t want to support the fossil industry, but goddamn, I’m not about to pay 30 thousand euros to buy an electric car either.

A friend has an old car with a big history parked; he doesn’t use it because he lives in Lisbon (see?!), and he offers to lend it to me for a while (friends that trust your abilities are the best). We go get the car. I’m driving on the road without any help, like oh my god, this is happening! I drop my friend off at his grandparents’ home and prepare for the long (10-minute) ride ahead of me. This is it. First time I’m driving alone in a car (I used to do karting championships when I was nine, but that doesn’t count).I do the driving ritual: seatbelt on, check the mirrors, any weird lights blinking? I put my foot on the clutch pedal. I hear a terrifying breaking sound. That doesn’t sound good. It never did that in the hour I’d been driving it before. Deep breath. I take my foot off the pedal. It just hangs there, refusing to come back up. Uh-oh.I call my friend back; he comes to check the car, seemingly not very worried I just broke his car (god bless my chill friends). Clutch pedal is really gone. There’s some talk of witchcraft once I pass through his grandparents’ door - someone had sworn the car might break down when I drive away before. This is how I end up with a free Sunday lunch and a lively family gathering.

Sometimes the Universe might seem mean, but I could’ve been driving back and having a mild panic attack. Instead, it fed me.

I hope all my Fast&Furious obsession helps me drive safely in my dusty borrowed beautiful car.

Last week I went on a TEDx stage in Portugal and talked about the importance of informal communities. Let me rant about this real quick: communities are not goddamn startups or companies. I would know, because I work in that space and I often see people abusing the word when, in reality, they just want a sales pipeline. Stop misrepresenting what a community is when all you’re doing is trying to replace the word “family” in your marketing trends because people - the real communities -caught on to your bullshit, and now you have to figure out something else. Remember greenwashing? Yeah, you do.Anyway, one of the organizers asked if I knew someone who could speak about co-creating a limitless future. I was having a very busy couple of weeks and tried to reach out to some folks for ideas. A friend of mine then said, “Why don’t you do it?”Excuse me? Me? What do I know about the future? I just got my driving license in January, and I have to take deep breaths and plan my way to a place before I get into the car the night before. But then I wondered… do you really have to be extremely qualified to do something, or can you just want it badly enough? How many people out there are in positions of power, unqualified, and abusing it? What if I used my “unqualifications” for good?

Why don’t I do it?

Truth be told, my brain was already buzzing with the idea of what I wanted to share. So I applied, recording a clumsy 2 minute video on a work break. I got accepted a couple of days later, and I stared at my email inbox for an embarrassing amount of time.

The days of planning happened, I procrastinated hard, but day after day I felt maybe, I could do this. I had no choice, my fictional honor was depending on it now. If there’s one thing I used to fear, was letting people down.

The actual TedX day was a blur. I met so many interesting and inspiring people, the type of interactions eighteen year-old me would’ve thought were cringy AF, while older me was fighting not to have tears in her eyes because she understands that hope is in the awkwardness of conversations. Instead, they prepared me through the day, showing me that what I was preparing to say on my talk, was right. We are better people when we’re collaborating with others for a good purpose.

I was the last speaker, and I thought it would completely throw my nervous system for a loop. Instead, I realized I’ve been facing so many fears over the past few years, I could step on that stage, speak out loud - even fuck it up completely - and it still would’ve been better than not doing it at all.What does this have to do with driving? For years, I avoided it. The same way I avoided speaking to people, going on stages, applying to contests, finishing drafts of books I’ve started when I was a kid. I wanted to do great things but always got stuck on the what-ifs. Our society is currently getting 50 shades of fucked up, and we have to somehow fight against it. The way to start is by facing your fears.

credits to @mariamashaphotographer

If your curious about informal communities, check my TEDx video (hahaha how cool I can say this 🥹): Power of Informal Communities